


A Fool's Dream

by FairyQueen (etoilecourageuse)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 5+1 Things, Arranged Marriage, Azkaban, Childhood Memories, Christmas, F/M, Hogwarts, Post-War, Rare Pairings, Snippets, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22294726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etoilecourageuse/pseuds/FairyQueen
Summary: Five times, Bellatrix absolutely despised Christmas, and one time she absolutely did not.
Relationships: Antonin Dolohov/Bellatrix Black Lestrange, Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Rodolphus Lestrange
Kudos: 6





	A Fool's Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Written for sirmioneforever at the Rarepair Shorts 2019/20 Winter Exchange on LJ.

**One. An unexpected arrival.**  
It was Christmas again. Bellatrix noticed from the strange excitement in the air that had even befallen Mother and Father in a way, and… Honestly… She did not understand. Was it in a way connected to the snow, that had begun to fall from the sky only a few hours before? Granted, it was only her third Christmas, and she adored presents just as much as anyone else, would perhaps even prefer them if they weren’t wrapped in so much… _glitter_ , but why was it that everyone needed to keep secrets, lower their voice and whisper as if the entire world had come to stand still? It was odd, so very odd indeed… But she would simply follow along with everyone else - at least until she figured out what this all was about. The chocolate wasn’t something to say no to, after all. 

She had only just fallen asleep on what she believed must have been Christmas Eve (at least that was what she was told?) when Father’s voice startled her awake just again. 

"It’s a girl!" he shouted with glee, not seeming to care that it certainly was at least fifteen hours after midnight, and that Bella only wanted to sleep, followed by a… strange squeaking sound. Was that… A baby? A new baby, in their home?! Stealing her presents and chocolate and… her _parents?!_ She knew it. She had always known, from the beginning on - nothing good would ever come from this Christmas thing. 

**Two. Bella’s first Christmas at Hogwarts.**  
Mother and Father had been too busy to respond to her letters again - probably tending to precious Cissy had come in the way of it, just as it always did. (It wasn’t that Cissy _wasn’t_ precious; Bellatrix adored her just as much as her parents did, but sometimes it would be quite nice to at least get acknowledged by them…) Not that her most recent message had contained anything of importance… She had simply informed her parents that she had decided to call off Christmas this very year, and to stay at school over the holidays - something she had looked forward to the entirety of her eleven-year-old life. 

But even at Hogwarts she wasn’t safe. Even at a place like this it seemed impossible for her to hide from this whole hysteria that would once again befall what felt like the entirety of the Wizarding World as soon as December arrived. Bellatrix could cope with the snow, but… Putting up large trees in the Great Hall, decorating them, and… singing carols?! Merlin help, Christmas at Hogwarts was even worse than Christmas at home - with the only exception that she had a chance to hide in the darkest corner of the dungeons without being missed. Perhaps Antonin would keep her company - he, as he claimed, had no other choice than to stay at Hogwarts. Or… would they look for her, force her to join the feast, and to exchange presents with housemates she barely spoke to? Perhaps staying at school hadn’t been that much of a smart idea after all… 

**Three. Rodolphus Lestrange.**  
"Bellatrix, I’d like you to meet Rodolphus Lestrange,“ Father said at their annual Christmas dinner - something Bella had always despised with a passion, yet rarely had a chance to escape from. He was dressed in his finest robes, and had advised her to do the same, likely forgetting that Rodolphus was only one year her senior, still attending Hogwarts for his final year, and that they were indeed very well acquainted. 

Lestrange, who had never deigned to look her in the eye before, merely nodded, the same arrogant look of disapproval upon his face as ever. Bellatrix felt sick to her stomach; she knew _exactly_ where this was going, and it was probably the worst thing to even imagine. Of course she knew that one day this day would come, fully aware of her parents’ strict values, but… Him? Did it have to be him, of all people, Rodolphus Lestrange, whom she resented even more than this ridiculous holiday that even drove her parents into madness? It could not possibly get any worse… 

"Happy Christmas," said Lestrange now, reaching out his arm for hers. "Would you care to dance?"

Only from the corner of her eye could she see Antonin Dolohov’s face turn into stone. Oh, she had been so very, very mistaken. 

**Four. Battles.**  
They had lost several people, among them her husband (who, in Bellatrix’ eyes, was as far from a loss as a fish from being capable of flying, but this opinion was one of the few she preferred to keep to herself), right before they had Disapparated. Only few of them had followed the Dark Lord’s orders to attack on Christmas Eve, but of course she had been among them - how _dare_ they refuse a task as important for their quest?! What difference did it make, whether it was Christmas Eve or not, what difference did any of it make?! Fools, all of them fools, blinded by banalities they would still deem important, even in times like these… But they would see, they would feel what it meant to disobey. 

It was Dolohov, who had saved her, forced her back into Narcissa’s home, who had noticed a curse she could not possible have seen and grabbed her arm, escaping with her from the battlefield… Only the two of them had survived that night, a miracle, perhaps, yet none related to Christmas. Only the two of them had survived… And Bellatrix knew that this was only their first step towards triumph.

**Five. Azkaban.**  
It was all the same. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month. It was all the same… Christmas… New Year… Did any of it matter? Had any of it ever mattered? Bellatrix knew, had always known the answer, but now… Here… Here she seemed to be free at last, free of ridiculous celebrations, free of what would merely distract from the greater goal, free from days deemed special when in truth… In truth, it was all the same. Here, just as much within the outside world. 

It was all the same. All the same. What difference did it make, that Cissy was allowed to visit for merely a couple of minutes longer, merely because they called a day like any other Christmas? What difference did _time_ make at all? She was alone, alone within her cell, alone with her thoughts, and she would die here, die like an animal, whether on Christmas or any other day of the year. She would never see him again… It was all the same. It would always be the same… It did not matter. Nothing at all mattered.

**Six. Peace at last.**  
"Darling, you look astonishing tonight," Antonin said, his charming accent giving his words all the more value as she walked down the stairs of their little home, dressed in an long, black gown made of velvet that had caused even her to linger in front of the mirror for only a moment longer than she had intended. 

She did not know why exactly she had proposed anything remotely resembling a celebration, but it was their first Christmas together, and for a reason she did not quite understand herself, she had… in her own way… almost looked forward to spending the night with him. Somehow it was an evening like any other, she would tell herself, yet never quite letting go of the awareness that it wasn’t, no matter how she would attempt to twist the facts. This Christmas wasn’t like any other Christmas either, after all. There were no presents, she had insisted, and certainly there was no tree - Bellatrix had not turned into a fool, even if many of those who once knew her whispered behind her back - but… It was them. Only them, and wasn’t it all that mattered? Weren’t _they_ all that mattered? 

Bella smiled, linking arms with Antonin, as they stepped out of the door for a nightly walk through the snowy streets of Siberia. They were safe here, safe before having to return to England, to another battle - and perhaps it was the safety that she had always needed to find her peace, perhaps it was… _him_ she had always needed to come to understand at least the vague idea of a fool’s dream of Christmas. And, she had to admit, so far it was nowhere near as foolish as she had always imagined.


End file.
